Catherine Lammert

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Grief is a strong and complex emotion. It is experienced by some after an abortion or miscarriage. Most experience it upon the death of a loved one. Here are some practical suggestions on how we may help others cope with a loss in their life.

Supporting a Grieving Family

HOW TO HELP:

• Be supportive — visit or call to say, “I care and want to help.”
• Treat the bereaved couple equally. Men need as much support as women.
• Be available. Parents need direct help, such as proving a meal, doing errands, and babysitting their other children.
• Allow the parents to talk about their child; ask but don’t pry.
• Learn about the grieving process. There are many books available.
• Don’t be afraid of reminding the parents about the child. They have never forgotten and letting them know you remember is comforting.
• Be liberal in touching and/or hugging a grieving parent. They often have a need for physical contact.

WHAT TO SAY:

• I’m sorry.
• I’m so sad for your loss.
• I know this must be terribly hard for you.
• How are you managing all of this?
• What can I do for you?
• I’m here, and I want to listen.
• Talk as long as you want. I have plenty of time.
• You don’t have to say anything at all.

WHAT NOT TO SAY:

• It’s all happened for the best.
• You’re young. You can have others.
• Now you’ll have an angel in heaven.
• You’re better off having this happen now before you knew the baby.
• This was God’s way of saying something was wrong.
• You should feel lucky that you are alive.
• Forget it. Put it behind you and get on with your life.
• I understand (if you have NOT had a similar experience).