Rev. Robert Fleischmann, National Director, Christian Life Resources
Miscarriage is a deeply painful and often misunderstood experience that touches the lives of many families within the Christian community, including my own. As believers, we grapple with the profound loss of a precious life while seeking comfort in our faith.
The Emotions
Many things govern the emotional impact of a miscarriage. For a couple wrestling with infertility, desperately longing for a child, the positive pregnancy test is euphoric. The miscarriage of that pregnancy is devastating.
Deep
For us, it was our first child and the first grandchild on both sides. We could not contain the excitement of the pregnancy, and the miscarriage brought deep disappointment and apprehension about announcing future pregnancies.
All the emotions of a miscarriage can make it tempting for us to miss important truths about life and death.
This is a Life
A pregnancy is more than a medical condition – it is life.
Life begins at conception. God describes it as existing and maturing, even when it lacks the physical and mental traits of born life (Psalm 139:13-16).
Biology reinforces this truth. From the moment the father’s sperm enters the mother’s egg, everything genetically and distinctly human is there at conception, changing primarily in geography and aging.
A Valued Life
The world focuses on potentiality. Ignoring biology, the world draws an artificial line between “wanted” and “unwanted” life. Because of this fuzzy distinction, unbelievers often treat miscarriage casually. Believers, however, know it is a life given by God and, therefore, valued by us.
God demonstrated his value for human life as its Creator and Redeemer. He created it in his image.
Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” (Genesis 1:26)
This image is exclusive to human life (1 Corinthians 11:7), tarnished by human life’s predisposition to sin (Genesis 8:21; Psalm 51:5), and in need of full restoration (Colossians 3:10; 1 John 3:2).
That restoration came at the highest price. Jesus, the Son of God, died for the world’s sins (John 3:16; 2 Corinthians 5:21). “The world” includes every human being – the rich, the poor, the strong, the weak, the born, and the unborn.
God’s sacrifice of his only Son, Jesus, shows its incredible value. Life has an objective value—namely, it is valuable because it is “life”—regardless of its condition, maturity, or wantedness.
Numbers
Our miscarriage was one of an estimated 23 million that occurred that year in the world. Well-meaning people were quick to point out that miscarriages happen all the time; therefore, presumably, we should take it in stride. Big numbers tend to skew our perception.
That same year, about 61 million “born” people died. The difference between the born and unborn lives lost would be the longevity of relationships. Life has value, whether one or one of millions.
Indoctrinated
Over the decades, our sinful world has devalued life.
- The elderly and infirm should die and get out of the way, according to a former Colorado governor who advocated assisted suicide.
- An unborn child is a parasite living off the mother, according to a former Wisconsin Planned Parenthood representative.
- Abortion is an entitled reproductive choice, robbed from women by the Dobbs Supreme Court decision, according to the Secretary of Health and Human Services.
The devaluation of human life has been systematically reinforced through persistent messaging, and Christians are not immune. Someone once said,
“It is easier to believe a lie you have heard a thousand times than the truth you have only heard once.”
Our countless hours of exposure to the world sadly dominate the comparatively few hours we spend in God’s word. That is why we are tempted to fall back into old habits, believe in misleading ideas, and act like the world.
Limbo
Christians think on three planes: earth, heaven, and hell. When a child dies in the womb, where does the soul go?
Catholicism taught Limbus Infantium (limbo) to explain what happened to infants who died before baptism. It was described as a place of “natural happiness” but was “without the beatific vision of God.” It was a sincere but misguided attempt to fill a perceived void in Scripture on the question. Catholicism stopped including “limbo” in its 1992 catechism, and the term is primarily ignored today.
Baptism
In early Christianity (4th and 5th centuries), some churches attempted “baptism in utero,” which was as peculiar as it sounds. While recognizing that life begins at conception, the practice reflected a misunderstanding of baptism.
In the commission to evangelize the world Jesus included the instruction to “baptize” (Matthew 28:19). Salvation is God’s gift and not something earned (Ephesians 2:8-9). That is why we baptize infants. The baptism of households in Scripture presumably included children (Acts 16:15, 33; 1 Corinthians 1:16); cognitive maturity is not required to be baptized.
Baptism, in a mysterious way, saves (Mark 16:16; 1 Peter 3:21). It is not merely a symbol or ritual. Baptism says something about the parents who authorize it. It is reminiscent of Joshua announcing:
“…choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)
Failing to baptize when it was reasonably possible is not a failure of the child but of the parents, who could have done something. Baptism is part of the circle of spiritual life. Christ-centered lives reflect Christ’s wishes, which include baptism.
Salvation, however, is accomplished by God’s will. Whether it be an Old Testament believer, a thief on the cross, or a child who dies through a miscarriage, God is not restricted by baptism to save. He calls us to baptize. As for himself, he can decree it.
Trust God
When our unborn child died, I wanted a solid answer to give me closure. Limbo and baptism in utero represent attempts to limit God to our understanding. This becomes a test of our faith.
The Scriptures do not provide answers for every troubling scenario of life. Paul pleaded with God to remove his metaphorical “thorn in the flesh.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9). The answer? Trust God!
Jesus sent his disciples to do his bidding and not to worry about bringing essential supplies (Luke 9:3). But how? Trust God!
He calls us to do the same (Matthew 6:25).
Sorrow for the loss of a child sometimes overwhelms us. Admonishments to “trust God” can seem unsatisfying. The phrase could harm a relationship if not preceded by compassionate words. The journey of faith is a process.
When Job mourned the loss of his children, possessions, and health, he demanded answers from God. God, in turn, asks him 77 rhetorical questions without ever giving Job a straight answer. Job got the message:
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. (Job 42:3)
We imagine how God should act to prevent a terrible wrong, but he seems silent. By our reckoning, God should act immediately and decisively to prevent heartache and injustice, and he doesn’t. In our deep emotional turmoil, we forget the clear evidence in Scripture that God remains in control.
Ultimately, my comfort at the loss of my first child came from learning that a perfectly right God did the perfectly right thing. My inability to fathom why it turned out the way it did is much more a reflection of me than it is of God. After all, he has reminded us,
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8–9)
Surely, the foolishness of God is wiser than my wisdom (1 Corinthians 1:25). The problem is that sometimes, I just don’t get it. Time and spiritual maturity yields understanding (Philippians 3:15).
As we face the heartaches of life, the words of the psalm bring a peace that the world cannot give:
“Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)
If God must be entirely understandable for me, chances are I made that god up. Instead, God demonstrated his love for us in the sacrifice of his Son (Romans 5:8). He promised to work all things for our good (Romans 8:28). All is well for my first child, as all is well for me. God gave us his word.
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