Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss
We’re here for you. How you feel is valid. There is help.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart”
Jeremiah 1:5a
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
Matthew 5:4
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Psalms 34:18
Will Naming Our Baby Help Us Cope?
In grieving, some people find it helpful to name their child. Others may decide not to. There are no rules or deadlines. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into a course of action you don’t want. Each person’s experience, grief and style is different. Proceed in the way that fits you. If you choose to name your child here are some things you may consider:
- Perhaps you had a nickname such as “lil sweet one” you used when talking to or about your child. This may be a way to honor the child.
- Using the name of a loved one, can be a way to honor the child and their namesake.
- Some people choose to use a word that is not traditionally a name. Again, your journey is unique and how you cope may be also.
- If you had a name in mind for the child you may want to use that. Saving the name for a future child can sometimes bring up sad emotions.
- If you didn’t know the gender of your child you may opt to go with a gender-neutral name. Parents have also gone with the gender they “felt” like the child was.
- Another popular way to memorialize a lost child is with a tree or garden.
What’s Next?
Here is some practical advice to consider as you deal with the loss of your baby:
- Allow yourself time to grieve. This process is beneficial in working out your feelings.
- Open up to your friends and loved ones. Let your spouse and relatives grieve with you. They are hurting as well.
- Name your child. Acknowledge that this baby was a unique individual.
- Gather keepsakes. Pictures, cards, funeral bulletin, special gifts from loved ones — whatever you can hold on to will help you through this time in your life.
- Remember your baby. Light a candle, release a balloon from the grave site, remember this person at special events. Do what is comfortable for you.
- Pray for God’s gracious and healing hand to guide you.
Stained Glass Memorial Wall
The stained glass memorial section provides a special place to remember babies lost.
Share Your Story
Support Those Dealing with Miscarriage or Infant Loss
- Pray for them
- Hug them
- Help around the house (laundry, dishes, dinner/groceries, babysit)
- Give them a CLR Care Box
- Listen without expectations
- Visit in person or on the phone
How can we pray for you today?
We look forward to praying for you! Our team will get back to you within three business days.
Dos and Don’ts
HOW TO HELP:
- Be supportive — visit or call to say, “I care and want to help.”
- Treat the bereaved couple equally. Men need as much support as women.
- Be available. Parents need direct help, such as providing a meal, doing errands, and babysitting their other children.
- Allow the parents to talk about their child; ask but don’t pry.
- Learn about the grieving process. There are many books available.
- Don’t be afraid of reminding the parents about the child. They have never forgotten and letting them know you remember is comforting.
- Be liberal in touching and/or hugging a grieving parent. They often have a need for physical contact.
- What people are best to open up to? Those who who are open, emotionally mature, not a gossip, etc. If you’ve lost a baby, you may want to differentiate between those you feel safe sharing everything with, those you feel comfortable sharing some with, and those you may not even want to tell (for example, people who have been known to gossip or are likely to minimize your loss by saying something like “It was God’s will”).
- Asking “How are you?” may put pressure on the griever, like they have to give a positive progress report or can’t be fully honest. Better options are “What’s your grief been like lately?” “What’s the grieving process been like for you lately?” or “How are you must feeling the loss lately?” These give the person permission to be having a hard time and invites them to share.
WHAT TO SAY:
- I’m sorry.
- I’m so sad for your loss.
- I know this must be terribly hard for you.
- How are you managing all of this?
- What can I do for you?
- I’m here, and I want to listen.
- Talk as long as you want. I have plenty of time.
- You don’t have to say anything at all.
WHAT NOT TO SAY:
- It’s all happened for the best.
- You’re young. You can have others.
- Now you’ll have an angel in heaven.
- You’re better off having this happen now before you knew the baby.
- This was God’s way of saying something was wrong.
- You should feel lucky that you are alive.
- Forget it. Put it behind you and get on with your life.
- I understand (if you have NOT had a similar experience).
Men and Miscarriage
You may feel likely everyone asks about your partner, but you’re invisible. Perhaps you feel like you need to focus only on supporting her. Maybe you’ll grieve later… You matter. How you feel matters. Anxiety, grief and depression are not uncommon. Reach out to someone you trust and/or a support group. We are here for you and so are the resources, including the memorial.
Request a Care Box
Our Care Boxes offer Biblical support and love the recipient can feel!
Please consider a donation to help Christian Life Resources continue to provide support to those dealing with infant loss. The suggested donation to off-set the Care Box cost is $40.
3 Ways to Make an Impact
- Get a Care Box for yourself or a loved one.
• Order a CLR Care Box sent from Christian Life Resources.
• Get a CLR Care Box through one of our affiliate pregnancy centers.
• Get a CLR Care Box through a church/school. - Donate funds or items. Individually or as a group you can sponsor Care Boxes. Another option is to purchase Care Box items from our wishlist items here.
- Host a Service Event and assemble Care Boxes. Use the form below to connect with us. We can provide a speaker, if needed.
Request a Pastor’s Guide
Submit your info below and receive a downloadable PDF that will guide you through helping members of your congregation when they experience a loss through miscarriage.
The resources shared on this page reflect their author’s views and it is not a wholesale endorsement.
