CLAIM:
I feel whatever the patient wants is best. Don’t be selfish and want them around for your sake.

REBUTTAL:
A few important points need to be understood with this claim or accusation:

Sometimes It’s True
A lifetime of relationships forms strong emotional bonds. The Bible provides several examples of strong emotional bonds strained by separation or death (Ruth and Naomi: Ruth 1:16; David and Jonathan: 2 Samuel 1:26; Job at the loss of his family: Job 1:18-22; Mary, Martha, and Jesus at the death of Lazarus: John 11:1-44). Unsurprisingly, such attachment prompts many people to “pull out the stops” on all measures to avert death. After all, friendships and family relations are often firmly bundled with love and mutual loyalty (Proverbs 17:17; Ecclesiastes 4:9-10; 1 Timothy 5:8). It is unsurprising to want that relationship to endure for as long as possible.

The Tension Between Caring and Challenging
In this modern age of medical technology, the line between caring for life and challenging death can get blurry. Our faith instructs us to care for life, not hurry death. The challenge is not only our imperfect knowledge of where that line between “worthy to care” and “clearly they are dying” lies but also maintaining the distinctively Christian view of life, death, and eternal life.

Scripture teaches us that death is inevitable (Genesis 3:19; Romans 5:12). Therefore, in a sense, all our caring for others can be seen as an attempt to delay death. God not only permits that but commands us to care. Providing nourishment and medicine to help preserve and protect life is consistent with Scripture (Matthew 25:34-40; Luke 10:25-37) as the God-pleasing activity of God’s people. Taking steps to end life intentionally, however, crosses the line.

Unclear Options
Caring decisions become complicated when a variety of issues arise, suggesting on the one hand that more intervention is needed, while on the other hand indicating that God might be calling a life home. Do we provide increasingly extraordinary care when it might actually prolong and even antagonize the dying?

Unlike a world that tends to be formalistic on such matters, Christianity looks to the heart. There is not always a clear formula for what to do next. Sometimes, we must ask what our motive is for the measures we take to care for others. When the choices are most difficult, is our motive to protect life or defy God’s decision to take life?

What If We Are Wrong?
It seems that our judgments become clouded in times of deepest emotion. When we call the shots in caring for others, our deep emotional attachment to the patient, combined with an incredible sense of being overwhelmed by the circumstance, can cause us to forget what it means to be a Christian caregiver and a Christian patient.

There are three essential points to remember:

1. God is the author and terminator of life (Deuteronomy 32:39; 1 Samuel 2:6). He always gets his way (Psalm 115:3; Daniel 4:35). You are called upon to be a steward or caretaker for your loved one. You are not called upon to replace God and to hold authority over life and death. In other words, if God wishes the patient to live or die, your decision is subordinate to His will.
2. Life is a time to serve God (Ecclesiastes 12:13; Philippians 2:13). Whether you are the caregiver whose caregiving focuses on pleasing God or the patient whose living and dying is outside of your control, the mandate to act in accord with God’s will remains. That is especially important to keep in mind when you do not like the quality of life you have. Challenges to our goals and ambitions are not grounds to disregard God’s instructions. Not wanting the life that remains is no justification for terminating the life.
3. Death is not the end for a Christian (Isaiah 25:8; Job 19:25; John 11:25-26; 1 Corinthians 15:19-22; 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14). In a panic to preserve a lifetime relationship, we dare not forget the eternal reality that makes life tolerable – there is eternal life after death.

Summary
The claim is correct that we should not be selfish. That is why we are focused first on the will of God. Decision-making certainly involves a patient who may rely on our decisions. However, the act of decision-making focuses on glorifying God in all things (Isaiah 43:7, 1 Corinthians 10:31).

There is no doubt that as the day approaches for life to end on this earth, it is immensely hard for those left behind. Yet, what Jesus did in dying for our sins and being raised from the dead changes everything. It is why the Apostle Paul could say boldly,

“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. (1 Corinthians 15:55–58)

When you live by faith, even in sorrow, there is joy (Psalm 126:5-6; John 16:20-22; Romans 8:18). When the decisions are tough, examine your heart before you make the next decision.