When you pass through the waters I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. (Isaiah 43:2)
Daily life is abundantly stressful. There are the job, family, church, and other responsibilities. For those who care for a loved one, the stress can be even more overwhelming. Not only is the caregiver responsible for many physical and supervisory tasks, but he or she is also expected to offer emotional and spiritual support to an aging loved one.
Sound exhausting? It is! The day-to-day care can be a seemingly endless routine of personal care, medical regimen, worry, and questions. Caregivers themselves invariably deal with a host of emotions: anger, discouragement, resentment, guilt, fear, anxiety, and/or sadness. Burnout is common when a person’s time and energy are constantly demanded of them. Yet God offers the true comfort and the assurance that such trouble will not overwhelm a caregiver.
The Spiritual Aspects of Caregiving
Trust me! This may be painful but it’s for the best! God tells us that when you pass through the fire, you will not be burned. He wants us to remember that though fire burns, it also purifies. The Refiner wants believers to look at the positive aspects that caregiving offers:
- A closer relationship with God
- Trust in God
- A sense that others are watching your faith in action
- A more mature faith, purified by testing
- The ability to face and handle negative emotions
- Healing of previous hurts, especially involving family fallouts
Definition of a Caregiver
A family caregiver is defined as an individual who provides assistance to another individual who is unable to care for his or her responsibilities and needs. Family caregivers are unpaid family or friends who act out of love and concern for their loved ones. Formal caregivers are employed by a service system. Caregiving in this article refers to unpaid family members or acquaintances caring for a loved one.
Ways to Combat Caregiving Fatigue
- Get into God’s Word
- Just say, No! and ask for help
- Don’t take on more than you can handle
- Learn to relax: read, listen to music, take a walk or a bath
- Stay healthy: eat well, get proper rest, exercise (Family caregivers often put their own healthcare needs aside due to the time, financial, or emotional constraints of caregiving and are at high risk for depression, chronic stress, anxiety, head and backaches, and stomach/intestinal disorders)
- Pray (a majority of caregivers say prayer helps in coping with stress)
- Stay educated on issues (Internet, doctor, health professionals, reading materials)
- Turn to family, friends, loves ones for support and guidance
- Join a support group, if you wish
- Learn basic nursing skills (offered by the American Red Cross or other medical facilities)
- See a doctor if stress becomes overwhelming
- Pace yourself
- Plan for time off from caregiving
- Set limits
- Consider respite care or paid professional care to lighten the load
- Have a basic care plan checklist
- Know about your loved ones personal records such as medical directives, wills, bank information, doctors records (many insurance companies offer products to fit these needs)
- Learn about community services available to all parties
- Laugh more!
Understanding the Aging Process
Old age is not a disease but a stage of life! An understanding of aging helps a caregiver to know what their loved one is experiencing. A caregiver, after all, cannot fix or control old age. Support becomes the important element in the care of a loved one at the last stage of life.
Loss in its many forms is a consuming part of life for the elderly and adjusting to such loss is a major undertaking. The loss of companionship of a spouse, family member, or friend; independence, health, and/or strength can cause devastating stress and sadness in some.
The elderly must learn to make adjustments in their lives. It is important to find new activities that match this new stage of life. Although life changes as a person ages, there is always the need to grow in faith as God’s child. Just as Jesus completed his work to the very end, so our loved ones need to glorify God in all they do until their last day. Growing with integrity is much like God’s description of a noble tree (Psalm 92:12-14):
The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the LORD, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green.
Spiritually speaking, an aging Christian person is still strong and green and accepts age as a blessing with a spiritual understanding that My grace is sufficient for you!
Hi there,
I care for my 90 year old father. It is getting extremely hard managing his care and all other aspects of him.
Is there a group or someone I can talk to about this?
Every caregiver faces two challenges: Fortitude and resources. They are distinct from each other, and both come into play for every caregiver.
Fortitude: strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage. For a Christian, we are talking about a perseverent spirit that stays focused regardless of the challenges that come up. Help for fortitude comes in three ways:
Christian Community: According to Galatians 6:10, we should expect our Christian congregation (family) to be there for us. Those who intimately know the ultimate sacrifice made for them by Christ are to be ready to be sacrificial for others (1 John 3:10; Philippians 2:5; Ephesians 5:1-2). It is not selfish or presumptive to expect your fellow Christians who know what you are doing to be there for you with their prayers and assistance. It is not charity but a lifestyle for them. A caregiver is not only in need of some support but is the object for Christians to be like Christ – to think of others ahead of themselves – to care for, pray about, and assist. As a caregiver, your premier concern is to provide the best care possible for your loved one. Your Christian congregation has supposedly been nurtured by God’s word to be there for you in that role. Do not deny them the opportunity to do so. Also, communicate with the congregation pastor and leadership that you are a caregiver and you want to know what resources are there within the congregation for help. Ask, and if you can be so bold, insist. From this Christian community, you should find understanding, support, and help where it is reasonable. Let them sit with your loved one so you can run errands. Let them provide a listening ear as you vent the inevitable frustrations that come with caregiving. Let them make a meal, provide transportation, and run errands for you. Be an outlet for them to demonstrate their love. And if they fail, do not get angry but learn from their mistakes for when you can provide such service to others.
If you are interested in support groups, there are suggestions at: https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources/articles/caregiver-support-groups and https://wisconsincaregiver.org/caregiver-support-groups. We have not vetted each group that may be referenced on these websites. You’ll know best if a group is a fit😊
Spiritual Nurturing: Caregiving makes you feel busy and magnifies the notion that others are also very busy and too busy to deal with you. That does not apply to your need for spiritual nurturing. Your pastor is called to be concerned for your spiritual welfare. You are not asking him to do something more than he is supposed to do. You are asking him to do what he chose to sign up for. In caregiving you will encounter things that you had not planned on. You will need your spiritual shepherd to place these challenges in a biblical context. Not only will the pastor visit you regularly, but he may have at his disposal a corps of volunteers in the church who will come by to do a devotion, bring the Lord’s supper, pray, and sing hymns with you and your loved one. Caregiving challenges you to stay connected to the Source of your fortitude, namely God and his word. Tap into that immediately and have your pastor help you find a way to stay engaged daily in your relationship with God. There are also many devotional resources available at Northwestern Publishing House (www.NPH.net), which would be helpful. (Psalm 119:105)
Prayer: If you don’t realize it, you will soon realize that being a caregiver challenges you in ways you never imagined. There are countless passages in Scripture inviting us to pray to him (Psalm 34:17; 1 Chronicles 16:11; Romans 8:26; 1 Thessalonians 5:17). When the obstacles seem too great, the pressure too much, and the questions too overwhelming, God pledges to carry you through it (Psalm 46:10; Romans 8:28). Talk to him. Understand that this is not merely a test of faith for God to see where you really are. He already knows. This is a test for you to see where you stand. This is a test for you to learn some things about yourself, the values you held, and even some of the false notions you clung to in life. Talk to God about all of that. Ask for His direction. His plans for you are so good that he was willing to sacrifice His Son for you. Talk to Him. Ask 2 friends to pray for you regularly. These friends may not be there with you in the doctor’s office or while cleaning up an accident, but you’ll gain real, powerful support through their prayers.
Fortitude is of critical importance because sometimes you don’t have the resources. Tend to fortitude and then look for resources.
Calling 2-1-1 is a good place to start. Counties often have a Department of Aging to help direct you to resources located where you live. Again, your pastor may have learned from other members resources you do not even know. Think carefully about what you wish you had at your disposal. Make a list and start talking to people about that list. You will be surprised by the people God places in your path in times of need.
One of the things to remember is that caregiving changes. If a person has a debilitating condition, you may need very few resources initially, but that will grow.
The aging of America has brought a flood of resources into the market designed to help with the aging and the ailing. If you can think of things that would make the task easier, chances are someone has created a solution. Paying for some of the solutions may be a big obstacle, but if you don’t take the initiative to look for solution, then you will never find them.