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CLAIM:
My hobbies and friends fulfil me, but I get a lot of pressure from my parents to get married. I just don’t feel the need. Why should I get married?

REBUTTAL:
You don’t have to get married, but before you stake your future on hobbies and friends, there are some important things to consider.

Hobbies and Friends
Some hobbies require physical activity that can become difficult as you age. Other hobbies may change as our culture changes. And, sometimes, your interests may change.

Friendships can endure for decades, but the circumstances may change. Your friends have their own lives, and although you may share many things in common, they may want to get married, have a family, and that will bring a new dimension to your friendship. Health concerns and job changes also disrupt friendships.

None of these are reasons to give up on friendships and hobbies, but they serve to remind you that there are elements to friendships and hobbies that are out of your control.

Changes that Come with Time
On a practical level, your feelings about this often will change. While there is no precise percentage or study that quantifies how many people who vowed never to marry later do marry, both anecdotal evidence and social research suggest it is a relatively common occurrence. Attitudes toward marriage are often subject to change over time due to personal growth, relationship experiences, and shifting life priorities.

It is hard to see this at present, but most everyone will tell you that looking back on their plans reveals that things change. As society changes and those around us do, so do we. Even as a single person, your employment, community, and other family commitments all come into play in shaping who you are and what you ultimately do.

Creating a Family
Many who plan to get married are postponing it to complete their education, establish a career, and so forth. This raises concerns about having children later in life. The statistics are concerning:

• The chances of a premature delivery increase 8% for ages 35–39 and 26% for 40+ compared to 25–29-year-olds.
• The chance of the mother experiencing hypertension (high blood pressure) is 76% higher at 40+ than at 25–29.
• The chance of the mother experiencing preeclampsia (a spike in blood pressure after 20 weeks of pregnancy, causing organ damage) is 13% higher for mothers who are 35–39, and 50% higher for mothers over 40.
• The chance of a mother dying from a pregnancy jumps from 31.3 per 100,000 (25–39) to 138.5 per 100,000 (40+), a 342% increase.
• The chance of the child having a chromosomal abnormality rises from 0.2% at 20–24 to 1.58% at 40 and 5.37% at 45.
• The chance of a child born with Down syndrome is about 0.08% at age 25, 1% at 40, and 5% at 45.
• The chance of a stillbirth increases by 50% at age 35 and up to 200% at age 40.¹ SOURCES: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/6455611/ https://www.chop.edu/conditions-diseases/pregnancy-over-age-30 https://www.yalemedicine.org/news/maternal-mortality-on-the-rise https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4418963/ https://evidencebasedbirth.com/advanced-maternal-age/ [all articles accessed 6-10-25]

Aside from the challenging medical complications that come with waiting until later in life to have children, there is also the practical aspect of keeping up with them as they age and have their own families.

Parents
Evolutionary biologists suggest that the desire for children to marry reflects an evolved human compulsion to sustain their existence. I don’t think it is that complicated. Facetiously, maybe misery loves company! More likely, married children repeat a pleasurable cycle of holding precious grandchildren, presenting the opportunity to reflect on parenting from the perspective of experience. Being a grandparent is sometimes a second chance at parenting.

Reality
All I have done with the preceding paragraphs is espouse many of the worldly arguments you hear from friends, family, and self-help books. Let’s recast this into a Christian context.

Your purpose for existing is to glorify God (Isaiah 43:7; 1 Corinthians 10:31). Glorifying God is not an event but a lifestyle. Questions about marriage, children, choosing friends, and pursuing hobbies are asked within the broader context of how we glorify God through these things.

The way we glorify God is to do that which pleases him (Haggai 1:8; Romans 12:1; Colossians 3:23-24; Hebrews 13:15-16). That is your primary concern. You want to be happy, but even our happiness is subordinate to glorifying God. That is why being a Christian is a “transforming” experience (Romans 12:2). It is an entirely different way of looking at life.

Getting There
Being transformed into a God-centered life is not an event, but a process (1 Corinthians 13:11; 2 Corinthians 3:18; Philippians 3:12; 2 Peter 3:18). That means along the way, you will make mistakes (Psalm 25:7; Psalm 37:23-24; James 3:2).

Our mistakes in glorifying God are rooted deeply in our natural inclination to rebel against Him (Genesis 8:21; Psalm 51:5; Romans 8:7). Whether we choose a hobby, select friends, or decide to marry, our natural inclination is to think of ourselves first.

Marriage
God invented marriage with these words: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18) This is further defined as a husband/wife relationship in Genesis 2:24, and reinforced by Christ in Matthew 19:5.

The word “helper” does not imply rank. The same Hebrew word describes God as a helper (Exodus 18:4; Deuteronomy 33:26; Psalm 70:5).

The word translated as “suitable” more closely defines the nature of the relationship. The woman was complementary to the creation of man. This stands in contrast to the creation of “every living creature” from whom “no suitable helper was found” (Genesis 2:20). The animals were not complementary to the man, though many, presumably, would have been wonderful companions, much as a dog today can be a good companion to a man. But even these “companions” were not “suitable” and complementary to the man. The creation of the wife was species-specific—one human as a complement to another.

This complementary relationship was also the one established for bearing children (Genesis 1:28). That points to the sexual nature of the relationship. We would later learn from Paul that, in addition to bringing forth children, the sexual intimacy in marriage provides the antidote to sinful lusting (1 Corinthians 7:9).

For these reasons, theologians have pointed to marriage as providing the ultimate framework for companionship, raising children, and maintaining chastity (the three C’s).

Subduing and Ruling
Consider the instruction given to the married couples:

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” (Genesis 1:28)

The Hebrew sentence structure for “Be fruitful and increase in number” is the same as used for the direction given to animals (Genesis 1:22). It is a species directive to reproduce.

What is different is that humans were created in the “image of God” (Genesis 1:26), which carried with it the unique responsibility to subdue and rule over the earth and the animals that inhabit it. While other species were instructed to “be fruitful and increase in number” without further definition, humans had to do so in such a sufficient way as to be able to handle the responsibility to subdue and rule over the earth.

Some have stretched the instruction so far as to imply that the validity of a marriage is tied to having children (many children?), and some have gone further to suggest it is improper not to be married. We need to address those ideas.

Embracing Singleness
The case for being single can be constructed by using the words of the Apostle Paul:

I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. (1 Corinthians 7:7–8)

As finding a wonderful spouse is often regarded as a “gift from God,” Paul says the same about being single. There is no justification in Scripture for venerating marriage above singleness, or singleness above marriage. Each serves its unique purpose while both serve the primary task of glorifying God.

When Paul defended singleness, he stated:

Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. (1 Corinthians 7:26–27)

Paul does not identify the “present crisis.” The words suggest that it is an immediate concern, making being single a preferable status. For some people, being married is the best option, and for others, being single is the best choice.

Paul goes on to provide more insight as to the criteria for what is best:

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:32–35)

With God’s design for marriage, attention must be split. Split between what? Between affairs of the world (pleasing a spouse, caring for children, and so forth), and glorifying God by loving others and sharing the Gospel. Paul goes to great lengths not to demean singleness or marriage, but he accurately keeps the focus on the purpose of life: to glorify God.

The point is clear and logical: being single makes it easier to stay focused on our primary directive to glorify God and to do His will without being distracted by the necessary worldly concerns that come with having a family. Having a family populates the earth and keeps it in submission, which is also the Lord’s will. These are two distinctive and God-pleasing ways a person can glorify God.

Putting it all Together
The one concern in the claim is that the claimant seems to have lost sight of the primary directive to glorify God. His (or her) reasoning for singleness is to pursue hobbies and friendships. These can be bad things when we pursue them to the neglect of glorifying God. As married couples must keep glorifying God central in their lives while dealing with necessary worldly concerns, so also a single person is to glorify God in all things while availing himself of some of the freedoms of being single (pursuing hobbies and friendships).

In answer to the question, “Why should I get married?” the answer is the same as “Why should I stay single?” In your mission to glorify God in all things, you use your Christian freedom to make a judgment on how best to do that. A heart driven by faith in God and obedience to his word will make a choice, and it will be the correct one.