CLAIM:
I’m Christian and I don’t see the big deal of dating outside of my faith. Christians marry non-Christians all the time. You don’t have to fight about it.
REBUTTAL:
The claimant raises four points for us to consider:
- How Christians choose whom to date or marry,
- Not a big deal to date people of other faiths,
- Christians marry non-Christians all the time
- Our reaction to intermarriage.
To create a logical flow, I will juggle the order, but I will handle all four points.
Christians Marry Non-Christians All the Time
It depends on what you mean by “non-Christians” and “all the time.” The claimant references “outside of my faith” and then references “non-Christians.” The two are not the same.
Depending on who is writing or talking, “outside of my faith” generally means someone who is still Christian, but not of the same denomination or brand of Christianity. For example, it could be a Presbyterian marrying a Catholic, or a Baptist who marries a Lutheran. They all represent a faith that is aligned with the core teachings about Jesus Christ (generally as expressed in the Apostles’, Athanasian, and Nicene Creeds), most especially as the Savior from sin, but hold to differing understandings of that faith.
The term “non-Christians” can refer to atheists who do not believe in a god or agnostics, who claim we don’t know for certain if there is a god, but there may be. It can also refer to any religion that rejects Jesus Christ as the Savior from sin. Common religions in this category include Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism. It could also include religions that reference Jesus, but not as a Savior from sin in the way the entire Bible does, rather as a good example of a human being worth emulating. They reject portions of the aforementioned creeds. Common religions in this category are Unitarian Universalists, Mormons, and Jehovah’s Witnesses.
A February 26, 2025 Pew Research Center survey1https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2025/02/26/religious-intermarriage/ (accessed 6-18-25) revealed the following:
- Approximately 7% of Christians from one tradition (Protestant, Orthodox Christianity, or Roman Catholicism) marry a spouse from another Christian tradition.
- Approximately 6% of Christians marry someone religious but not a Christian (i.e., Jewish, Muslim, Hindu).
- Approximately 13% of Christians marry someone who is not religiously affiliated with any faith.
Collectively, that amounts to 19% of Christians marrying someone who is not a Christian or not aligned with any religion. Specific to this claim, we will focus on the 19%, whom I will refer to as “non-Christians.”
The claimant sees intermarriage between Christians and non-Christians as perhaps happening more than it is, but regardless, the claimant believes it is just not a big deal. That might be true of marriage if it were merely a social contract, but as Christians, marriage is so much more.
In the Old Testament, marriage between God’s people and foreigners was considered a threat to their faith and was not permitted (Deuteronomy 7:1-4; Joshua 23:12-13). Despite the clarity of the prohibition, God’s people did intermarry with foreigners (1 Kings 11:1-2; Ezra 9:1-2; Ezra 10:10-11), and as predicted, it harmed their relationship with the true God.
Why do you think the Old Testament people of God ignored the warning about marrying foreigners? The answer is quite apparent when you examine the history of God’s people. Their allegiance to God waned. The command to have no other gods was especially clear (Exodus 20:3), yet God’s people repeatedly worshipped other gods (Judges 2:11-13; 2 Kings 17:7-18; Jeremiah 11:10; Hosea 11:2).
On that point, the claimant is correct that God’s people marry outside of God’s family all the time. This phenomenon has been ongoing for centuries. In every instance, it represented a turning from the truth to something they felt was more appealing. It isn’t as if they never knew the true God. Instead, they rejected the true God in favor of other gods, which likely came with other perceived worldly benefits (i.e., attractive mates, political alliances, wealth, or power).
My point is that when God drifts from being central in the lives of His people, they will do all sorts of things, which might get them ahead in this world, but endanger their relationship with the true God and the eternity He has offered in Christ.
Not a Big Deal to Date People of Other Faiths
By whose standards? For other people who have dated and married outside of their faith, it is not a big deal. After all, if it were, they likely would not have done it.
When we want to justify our actions and don’t like what God has to say about it, we gather around ourselves people who agree with us. Our new “friends” validate our thoughts, and God’s word becomes irrelevant (2 Timothy 4:2-4).
Ask yourself this question: “If it is not a big deal for my friend, but it is a big deal for God, whose opinion should carry the day?” For any variety of reasons, you may love your friend’s opinion, even when it runs contrary to God’s will. Because all of us have an inclination naturally opposed to God (Genesis 8:21; Romans 8:7), it truly is in our nature to challenge God and replace his word with our flawed reasoning. The support of our social circles emboldens us in our error, but even if everyone likes the idea of marrying non-believers, because it conflicts with God’s will, it still is wrong – it is merely a popular error.
How Christians Choose Whom to Date or Marry
I admit it sounds stodgy and out-of-touch to say Christians should only date and marry Christians, so let’s not think of it that way. Look at the bigger picture.
The reason you and I exist is to glorify God (Isaiah 43:7; 1 Corinthians 10:31; Romans 11:36). In concept, Christians get this. In practice, however, we struggle. We are easily lured into thinking life is not about God but about ourselves. We fret over the worries of this world, despite God’s warning not to worry about such things (Matthew 6:25-34; Matthew 13:1-29). We worry about careers, money, and relationships as foremost concerns, and soon we discover that it is all about us, and God barely finds room for a thought, let alone a prayer, or being a priority.
Christians often associate with other Christians in dating and marriage because it is the easiest or best way to glorify God and to keep Him central in their lives. Otherwise, by subordinating the value of a shared faith, our attention is divided or diluted. For the sake of temporal peace, we risk sacrificing eternal peace.
Much of today’s emphasis on dating or marriage is rooted in personal happiness, success, and gratification. Prenuptial agreements, for example, often become a high concern to protect temporal interests, while being willing to compromise on eternal interests.
We now live in a “me” culture. In such a culture, God is not only squeezed out, but he is often characterized as the enemy.
You see, Christianity is not a social club. It is a lifestyle that is first devoted to glorifying God and then placing the interests of others ahead of our own (Matthew 22:32-40). Essentially, it is the antithesis to the “me” culture, which is why in relationships, we see the greatest amount of friction between society and the Christian. Christianity focuses on God, society focuses on the individual (i.e., “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”).
Our Reaction to Intermarriage
I like how the claimant put it: “You don’t have to fight about it.”
Too often, we take the instructions of God’s will on how to glorify Him and make them our idols. We are tempted to wave the self-righteous finger at those who have married outside of their faith. Christ-centered parents are sometimes drawn into bitter arguments with their children, and children find themselves stubbornly staking out their rights to do what they want. No one wins!
While Scripture speaks extensively about how we should get along (Mark 12:31; John 13:34; Romans 12:18), it also clearly addresses how we communicate when people differ or when there is error (Matthew 5:23; Ephesians 4:26; 1 Peter 4:8).
In every conversation and action we have with others, we are either building a wall or building a bridge. If someone is making a mistake, how we raise the error will often determine if we are wall-building or bridge-building. We want to build a bridge because we are called upon to correct, rebuke, and encourage (2 Timothy 4:2), but to do so with great patience and careful instruction. We need permission to approach others to discuss such things, and you can’t do that when you come off as accusatory or self-righteous. God’s word warns against this even in the way that fathers relate to their children (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21).
Living the Christian faith is a maturing process. Hopefully, we are better at it tomorrow than we are today. That means we often did not think so deeply on the matter “back then” as we do now. Scripture acknowledges that sometimes Christians have married non-Christians (1 Corinthians 7:12-14), along with countless other bad decisions (Romans 3:23). Begin your course correction at the cross. When Jesus died on the cross, He took upon Himself our sins and paid the full price (2 Corinthians 5:21).
Recognizing our sins and the price paid to restore our relationship to God puts us on the track of glorifying God in all things. No matter how difficult the path ahead may appear, knowing what God has done in the sacrifice of His Son assures us that we are not walking alone (Psalm 23).
Finally, remember that the directive to seek out relationships that share your faith is a directive for our good (Jeremiah 29:11). Sometimes this will be obvious. Sometimes it means enduring short-term pain, with the positive results unfolding in the long term. Unbelievers are the mission field and not partners in glorifying God.
