QUESTION: I have two questions on your podcast episode Childless by Choice.Â
- Is it an actual sin not to have children if the couple is married and physically capable? It was not brought up in the podcast.
- In the Podcast, you also mentioned different situations when couples might choose not to have children, which would be justified. So what if a Christian is married to an unbeliever who is liberal and secular in their views? My concern is for the souls of my grandchildren and that they would not be brought up in the faith and truly come to know their Savior!
ANSWER: If a fertile couple were to decide not to have children, it would ultimately be their motive (the attitude of the heart) that would determine if it is a sin or not (Hebrews 11:6). If I recall, on the podcast, we talked about various reasons why a fertile couple might choose not to have children (i.e., health, deployment, and even timing). As believers who seek to do all things to God’s glory (1 Corinthians 10:31), we make decisions, hopefully with God’s will foremost on our minds. That is what we call “stewardship.”
The ability to “be fruitful and multiply” is a tremendous blessing that God has given us. Blessings are things of God loaned or placed within our possession for management. We are “stewards” of blessings, which means, when managed correctly, we care and use the blessings as their Owner (God) would have us to do.
Think of how we do that with other blessings. How we allocate our time and resources reflects an attitude of our heart about the priority God has in our lives. And about such things, people will undoubtedly differ. There will always be some who think you should do or give more, or less, or all, or nothing. Because decision-making involves considering many factors, and we cannot read the heart, outsiders can only guess the motive.
So when a healthy couple chooses not to have children, the critical question for them to ask themselves is, “Why?” Is it because they see children as something less than a blessing from God? If so, I think that would qualify as a sin, for children are called blessings from God (Psalm 127). If they fear having children might be something they cannot handle in the future, I may disagree with the judgment, but I don’t think we can say it was wrong. It is a decision of stewardship that the couple makes on how to use their blessing for procreation.
You raise an interesting scenario where an unbelieving spouse is involved.
It is important to remember that conversion is the domain of the Holy Spirit. We are messengers; God does the heart-changing. All of us have been brought from unbelief to faith by the means of grace. Even to the most liberal and atheistic of people, we are charged to share the message of salvation. We leave it to God the Holy Spirit to navigate the misguided heart and worldly notions on a path to humility, repentance, and forgiveness.
On an anecdotal level, it has been my experience that some of our best members came from homes of unbelief or apostasy. They often are intense in their study of Scripture and well-grounded in the realities of life in a sinful world opposed to God (Romans 8:7).
Conversely, we have sadly seen too many cases where believing couples have had children, sent them to a Christian day school, then to an area Lutheran High School, and they even went to a Lutheran college, only to leave the church and deny the faith in adulthood.
In summary, it is not a sin not to have children, but it can be, with a wrongly motivated heart. It is also not wrong to pray for an unbelieving couple to have the blessing of children. Often, through children, God has led unbelievers into his Word. Be faithful in displaying your faith (1 Peter 3:15), and leave conversion to God.
