Catherine Lammert

Grief is a strong and complex emotion. Here are some practical suggestions on how we may help others cope with a loss in their life.

Supporting a Grieving Family

HOW TO HELP:

• Be supportive — visit or call to say, “I care and want to help.”
• Treat the bereaved couple equally. Men need as much support as women.
• Be available. Parents need direct help, such as proving a meal, doing errands, and babysitting their other children.
• Allow the parents to talk about their child; ask but don’t pry.
• Learn about the grieving process. There are many books available.
• Don’t be afraid of reminding the parents about the child. They have never forgotten and letting them know you remember is comforting.
• Be liberal in touching and/or hugging a grieving parent. They often have a need for physical contact.

WHAT TO SAY:

• I’m sorry.
• I’m so sad for your loss.
• I know this must be terribly hard for you.
• How are you managing all of this?
• What can I do for you?
• I’m here, and I want to listen.
• Talk as long as you want. I have plenty of time.
• You don’t have to say anything at all.

WHAT NOT TO SAY:

• It’s all happened for the best.
• You’re young. You can have others.
• Now you’ll have an angel in heaven.
• You’re better off having this happen now before you knew the baby.
• This was God’s way of saying something was wrong.
• You should feel lucky that you are alive.
• Forget it. Put it behind you and get on with your life.
• I understand (if you have NOT had a similar experience).

Listen to our podcast

This article touches on grief, but you can dive deeper by listening to our podcast episode, “Grief Isn’t a Detour Back to “Normal” with Dr. Stacy Jensen.” Head over to our Life Challenges podcast page to listen and get access to all the other episodes we’ve recorded. You can also find the video on our YouTube channel below. If you found the podcast helpful, subscribe so you don’t miss an episode!